Zero Dark Thirty - 2012

Geoff - 2/7/13

Zero Dark Thirty is a film about the hunt and ultimately the killing out of Bin Laden. You already know how this movie ends, but that doesn't stop it from being enjoyable. I found it interesting to learn that a young woman had so much to do with OSB's search. When I think of CIA Agents hunting down bad guys, I imagine standard Hollywood action hero types, not Jessica Chastain. Though I'm sure in reality the woman behind the character doesn't look like Chastain.

Zero Dark Thirty is directed by Katheryn Bigelow, who also directed The Hurt Locker and there is definitely a similar feel. As interesting as some of the facts are, the movie is actually quite slow until the final act when the Navy Seals actually raid OSB's compound. When that scene does finally show up, it starts out really exciting and really keeps you pumped up waiting to see Bin Laden get his.

Critics will all rave about how great Zero Dark Thirty is, just because they don't want to be labelled as "unpatriotic", but truthfully it's a good movie, not a great movie.

Rating - 2

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Chandler - 9/19/2013

I really didn't want to watch this movie when it was first released. It just seemed a bit too soon, as if it was an exploitation film attempting to cash in on a recent event. I should have known that Kathryn Bigelow (director of The Hurt Locker) wasn't going to fuck it up.

Zero Dark Thirty begins with the chilling phone calls of victims during the 9/11 attacks. It then jumps right into detailed scenes of water-boarding and other interrogation techniques used on Al-Qaeda prisoners. Regardless of how you feel about the United States' torture policy (and its effectiveness), it's a pretty chilling depiction.

So the story is about how we found Osama bin Laden and the raid which ultimately killed him. From what I can tell it's a pretty accurate portrayal, in fact it was so accurate congress launched (and later dropped) an investigation to see if the filmmakers had access to classified documents. I appreciate the attention to detail and facts, even if some characters are tweaked (mostly because we don't really know who these people are).

The raid on Osama's compound is an awesome piece of film-making. Having read up on various accounts of the raid, Bigelow managed to re-create the event in shocking detail.

Basically... this is the best of the 2013 Best Picture Nominees, and a much better movie than Argo.

Rating - 3

Silver Linings Playbook - 2012

Rachael - 6/24/13

I don't celebrate trashy people finding love in real life. Why would I on screen? Get a job, fix your shit, and get back to me. The Academy Awards nominating this for best picture is more bizarre than watching DeNiro root for the Eagles.

Rating - 1

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Chandler - 6/24/13

An emotionally crazed widow seduces a delusional, bi-polar felon. And it's shoved down your throat as a love story. Hollywood has run out of ideas.

Silver Linings Playbook suffers from many of the flaws most movies do. For one, I don't give a shit about the plight of the characters. The movie makes it quite clear how much this family loves Eagles football. So right off the bat, 99% of the county loses interest. Why the Eagles? They're a terrible underachieving team with an even worse fan base. It's almost as if the sports aspect was added to keep the attention of men in the audience. Make no mistake... this is a terrible chick-flick.

Robert DeNiro is horrible in this movie. He's an OCD, superstitious illegal bookmaker (as in gambling) who can't stop betting on his own team. We're lead to believe he has a successful book... but NO bookie is successful if they're gambling with baseless emotions. At one point he's trying to give away points on a spread, increasing it from 1.5 to 10! All because he believes in his team and the luck of his family. It's a excruciatingly over-acted scene filled with gambling cliches and mind numbing stupidity.

The two main characters are awful as well. Patrick almost beats some guy to death when he catches him fucking his wife. He then gets out of an 8 month stay at a psych-ward (court ordered) and attempts to get his wife back. He does this by losing weight and making excuses for his actions. I'm pretty sure his actions were justified, and he's just an idiot for wanting to rekindle a relationship with his whore wife.

Tiffany is the "new girl" whose cop husband has been killed. She's also unemployed after fucking her entire office, which I guess was some sort of coping mechanism. After meeting Patrick for 5 minutes, she decides to take him home and date him. Despite his refusal, love blossoms after she lies her way into trapping him in a terrible remake of Save the Last Dance (which is also a shitty movie).

Halfway through this film I realized I was watching various personalities of people I hang out with. And it's bad enough to witness the pathetic delusions in real life.

Rating - 1

My Week with Marilyn - 2011

Rachael - 5/9/13

With movies like War Horse, The Descendants, and Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy rounding out the extensive list of nominees for best picture in the 84th Academy Awards, I’m surprised My Week with Marilyn did not make the list. Michelle Williams did rightfully win the Golden Globe for best actress and probably would have won the Oscar if not for Meryl Streep being her competition.

The success of this movie, as Marilyn Monroe’s actual movies did, hinged simply on Marilyn’s existence. There was no real storyline, there was no plot. You’re watching purely to be enraptured by Williams, who nails Monroe so perfectly you forget they’re not one in the same. Because of that, it’s hard to treat this as a movie review and not a character analysis on Marilyn. I’m not even going to try to fight it.

There were so many reasons to hate Marilyn. She was always late, rubbing it in everyone’s face she was worthy of them waiting on her. She was an attention whore, always pulling some stunt to get everyone to come running to fawn on her. She was fake: she developed a character to get attention and then forgot how to turn it off. She was not a good actress. She was a constant insecurity that needed to be told 100x a day how wonderful she was in all the ways. She was abused and abandoned as a child, leaving her with severe abandonment issues as an adult. She fell in love with men constantly purely because they were there, giving her attention. She constantly played dumb. She was addicted to pills and alcohol. She was an actual whore, sleeping with the President for God’s sake, and used miscarriages and abortions as a form of birth control. She used people to make her feel better and then moved on like they never existed. The world revolved around her and she blatantly abused it.

And yet beyond all that she had this ability, not lost in this movie, to make you want to give her attention. To make you want to play along in her act. To make you want to be used by her. Anything to just be in her presence. She had a way about her I don’t think will ever be duplicated by another celebrity. Without it I imagine she’d be the Lindsay Lohan of her time. Her assets were magnetic and her flaws only amplified that magnetism. At the end of the movie, you don’t care that there wasn’t much to it, you just don’t want Marilyn to leave you either. You begin to think a plot would have been a distraction from your time with Marilyn.

That being said, with more substance this movie would have been a 3, on par with a movie like The King’s Speech. But because it hinges on the ploy that is Monroe’s charm, as-is it’s a strong 2.

Rating - 2

Looper - 2012

Chandler - 4/22/13

In the year 2044, much of the United States is in poverty (presumably due to Obamacare). In the year 2074, time travel is invented and immediately made illegal. So of course mobsters use it to send people back to 2044 to be murdered, thus disposing of the body and evidence. The mob will also eventually send back the future self of the hired killers... creating a situation where a guy must kill himself and then live the next 30 years like a boss.

Ok... time travel movies are almost always terrible, with none ever coming close to the quality of Terminator and Terminator 2. But Looper is very good. It glosses over most of the paradoxes, and provides a pretty straight forward film that doesn't warp your brain too much (unless you let it).

Definitely worth a watch.

Rating - 3

Take Shelter - 2011

 
Geoff - 4/22/13

This movie should have been titled: "Take me to the counter and give me my money back".

Rating - 1

"42" - 2013

Chandler - 4/16/13

Jackie Robinson breaks the color barrier in Major League Baseball. "42" breaks the N-word barrier in Hollywood. Seriously... it has to be a new record how many times that word is used.

So everyone knows the story of Jack Roosevelt Robinson, and how he was the first Negro League player to ever be signed by an MLB team. During his first season he endures a lot of racism, especially in the south where spring training is held. But Jackie is mentally strong and takes insults on the chin, and balls to the face, in order to play the game he loves.

"42" showed the above synopsis and nothing more. It wasn't really "gripping." None of the characters were that interesting, and it kinda felt like a drawn out made-for-TV movie. Harrison Ford's portrayal as Dodger owner Branch Rickey ranged from "awful southern accent" to "literally acting like Lewis Black when angry." I'm still not sure if I think Ford did a good job.

Anyway... the movie was alright. Just seemed like it tried too hard to be the "feel good movie of the summer." A good example was during the final epilog:

One of the film's villains was Phillies player/manager Ben Chapman, who would yell all sorts of racist things at Jackie from the dugout. The movie pointed out that he was eventually fired and never managed again, as if to say bad karma and racism were his downfall. In reality, Chapman not only finished the year as the Phillies manager, he also managed most of the next season. He was fired because the team was in 7th place (out of 8 teams). In fact, the Phillies went through three managers that season.

Oh well. Racism is bad. So... yeah... just remember that.

Rating - 2

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World - 2010

Rachael - 2/18/13

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World wasn’t a movie I particularly wanted to see. It’s based off of manga-style comic book series, which although I like comic book movies and Asian foreign films, manga is a world I don’t understand nor have interest in. But it came recommended so I tried to go into it with an open mind.

I instantly appreciated the video game / comic book feel of the movie, created by eye-popping visual effects and video game sounds. It allows the characters’ to interact with the space around them on another level, amplifying emotions. Even though these effects proved rather childish as the movie progressed, I still give it style points.

As characters are introduced, their name, age, and “level” appeared in a box next to them, letting the audience know this movie is about people around the age of 22. I don’t believe any character was over the age of 25. And it doesn’t take long until you realize the movie deals with issues only thought to be as intense as the movie treats them by people between the ages of 17-23: starting new relationships and dealing with the fact that you’re not the first person to date your significant other.

I know I’m giving adults too much credit, but theoretically once you hit a certain age and have been in enough relationships, you develop a level of maturity that allows you to let the existence of exes fall into the background. But for young adults who have only been in a couple relationships, I guess this is a huge deal to overcome, and worth building a comic book series and movie around. I’m was already emotionally detached from the plight of Scott Pilgrim and what he’d do to date the “girl of his dreams” Ramona.

I completely separated myself from this movie once I realized there is zero chemistry between any of the characters to warrant use of the “L” word (love, not lesbians), let alone risking lives over relationships. There is no girl in the world where every single one of her exes (going back to the 7^th grade) is still hung up on and wants back regardless of how hot their current girlfriends are or how successful and famous they’ve become. Especially this girl, who looks goth and has the charm of burnt white toast. Sorry Ramona, in real life your exes are over you and probably forgot that week in middle school when you guys dated. And there is no way Scott Pilgrim is bagging the hot Asians and hot rock star chicks that are fighting over him. He has no job, he sleeps in the same bed as his gay roommate (and whatever other dudes his roommate brings home) and his hair kinda makes him look like this:

In real life, Scott Pilgrim can only get Juno-esque chicks.

Now I’d let Cera’s looks slide if I truly felt the two main characters were supposed to be together. But there’s no way I’m going to emotionally back Pilgrim for 112 minutes as he roundhouse kicks and karate chops his way into a relationship that will probably end unconsummated within a month.

Rating - 1

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Chandler - 2/18/13

This movie lost me when the first "battle" turned into a painfully awkward musical. It then tried to draw me back in with some clever and unexpected nerd humor (people turn into coins when they die), but the giggles were too few and far between.

I get the metaphor. But the idea would probably be better served as a short film instead a full-length feature. Or, maybe it works better as a comic. Either way, it flopped in the box office... and again in my living room.

Rating - 1

Beasts of the Southern Wild - 2012

Geoff - 2/7/13

Beasts of the Southern Wild is set in a broken down bayou town called "The Bath Tub" and is a tale about the main character, "Hush Puppy". Hush Puppy lives in The Bath Tub with her sickly, drunk father, who spends most of the picture yelling at (her). I spent half the movie trying to figure out if Hush Puppy was a boy or a girl. In my defense, her father in the film often refers to her as "man" and tells her one day she'll be "king of the Bath Tub".

Beasts of the Southern Wild is an interesting movie for a few reasons. For starters the main stars in the movie haven't acted before. Quvenzhané Wallis (Hush Puppy) is getting a lot of acclaim, even an Oscar nomination. Though, personally, I think Dwight Henry who plays her father "Wink" is the one that did the better work.

Beasts of the Southern Wild takes us through the trials and tribulations of what happens to the people living in The Bath Tub when a levy breaks and floods their homes. As Wink's condition worsens and they're forced to evacuate, Hush Puppy must grow up quickly. The movie shows almost literal parallels between the citizens of The Bath Tub and giant prehistoric hog-like creatures called "Aurochs" as the Bath Tubbers fight their own extinction. It's a lot to wrap your head around, but it's actually done pretty well in the film.

Rating - 2

The Illusionist - 2006

Chandler - 1/23/13

Didn't I just watch this movie?

Ohhh... it's another movie about a magician getting revenge for the death of his lover, while some other dude who is into magic tries to figure out his secrets. And it came out the same year as The Prestige?!?

Here are a few things I learned watching this film:

- Edward Norton does a good job playing a monotone, lifeless wandering magician... until he's required to show anger and grief. Then he sucks at acting.
- Jessica Biel continues to be famous for no reason, with zero "breakout" performances on her résumé.
- Paul Giamatti is an underrated actor, which is probably his own fault.

The movie is OK. Nothing special with a disappointing conclusion. The yellow-tint gets annoying too.

Rating - 2

This is 40 - 2012

Geoff - 1/4/13

This is 40 is "sort of a sequel" to Knocked Up (2007) and is another comedy crafted by Judd Apatow. Starring Judd's wife, kids, and Paul Rudd. It seems whenever Judd Apatow thinks "family", he thinks of his own, sans himself. This should create some interesting daddy issues for his daughters, but I digress.

Basically the This is 40 is about a couple turning 40 and dealing struggling businesses and mouthy kids. As typical with most of Apatow's films, there are funny, sad, and thought provoking moments as the "almost all Apatow" onscreen family sort out their issues. Apatow always seems to manage to get his character's dialogue to sound real without coming off cheesy of forced.

I actually think this is one of the better Apatow films. It has a unique take on an old story and even gives a couple of laugh out loud moments thanks to Charlyne Yi's quirky character.

Rating - 2

Premium Rush - 2012

Geoff - 12/20/12 

Premium Rush is about a bike messenger (Joseph Gordon Levitt) who has 90 minutes to make a delivery that is also wanted by a crooked cop with a gambling addiction. Now this isn't like all of the other bike messenger/gambler cop movies you've seen.. no, no. This movie has bike chases, bike accidents and... well you can imagine the entire plot. It's the kind of storyline you'd make up if you were trying to think up what a bike messenger movie would be. It gives you no surprises and no reason to care.

Premium Rush is super predictable and doesn't bring a whole lot to the table. Dania Ramirez is in it.. so I guess there's that. Otherwise, you could probably skip this flick. I can't say I was expecting a lot from the film and it delivered.

Rating - 1

Logorama - 2009

Geoff - 12/17/2012

Logorama is an animated cartoon comprised of almost all corporate logos; an entire universe of logos... not too far from our current reality. Logorama won an academy award for Best Animated Short and is really fun to watch. The story is simple and entertaining with cute, often foul mouthed characters delivering on some good laughs. But the real fun comes in trying to take in all of the logos and trademarks... The first time I saw it I found myself in awe at the sheer creativity and time involved with the clever uses of each logo. There are a ton of hidden gems in the film that I didn't even notice the first time around. As a graphic artist, I was very impressed and as a movie enthusiast I was equally satisfied. This movie won't change your life, but it will definitely entertain you for 16 minutes.

View it online HERE

Rating - 3

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Chandler - 12/23/2012

Awesome short film. One of the most clever I've ever seen. Watch it with the link above!!

Rating - 3

Ted - 2012

Chandler - 12/14/12

Ted was hyped up as one of the funniest movies ever. In reality, it was the funniest movie since The Hangover. Seth MacFarlane took a crazy idea and made it work thanks to his crude sense of humor. However... it got really slow at the end. And sappy. There definitely could have been more laughs. But hey! Who doesn't like watching a movie with a drunk, talking teddy bear and Mila Kunis?

Rating - 2

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Geoff - 12/20/12

Funniest movie since "The Hangover" doesn't deserve a 3? How far back does a movie have to go? if it was the funniest movie since the Marx Brothers, would Ted then get a 3? Or does there need to be some hieroglyphic of a cave man slipping on a banana peel?

Ted was really funny, I even laughed out loud a few times. Ted isn't going to surprise you; it's exactly what you expect and hope for, a crude talking bear and classic Seth MacFarlane humor. I'm sure it will get ruined by Ted 3-6, but I'd watch it again and laugh some more.

Rating - 3