Let the Right One In - 2008

Chandler - 1/14/13

A Swedish vampire movie released the same year as Twilight? How unfortunate.

Anyway, Let the Right One In is listed as a horror movie. I hate horror movies. I'm such a wuss and I watch with my hand covering my face most of the time. But this film isn't that scary. So as far as being a good horror film... I think it fails. But it is a good vampire movie, even if it's kinda slow like The Sixth Sense.

Some little kid, Oskar, gets bullied at school. He spends his days dripping snot from his nose and pretending to stab his classmates with a knife he carries. One day a 12 year old girl (played by 12-year old female Elijah Wood) moves in. Turns out she's a vampire and little Oskar finally has a friend.

The vampire is named "Eli." For "Elijah Wood."

What little special effects there are in the movie are done well. It won't blow you away... but you can add Sweden to the list of places not worth visiting.

Rating - 2

Four Lions - 2010

Chandler - 1/11/13

Four Lions is a movie about four dimwitted Muslim Englishmen who attempt to bring the Jihad to Great Britain. Their plan is to become suicide bombers, which seems easy enough... but these guys are idiots. The movie is a great black comedy that gives just as many eye-rolls as it does laughs.

I originally rated this movie a 2, but in hindsight I'm going to make a rare revision to 3. It's fresh, and there aren't enough movies out there with the balls to poke fun at Muslim extremists. All extremists of any cause need to be made fun of. The final sequence of the film is completely ridiculous. Definitely worth a watch.

Rating - 3

Django Unchained - 2012

Geoff - 1/9/13

Django Unchained is written and directed by Quentin Tarantino and follow title character Django (Jaime Foxx) as he shoots his was through the south in 1858, looking for his wife. Django is aided by German bounty hunter/dentist, Dr. Schultz (Christoph Waltz).

The performances in this film alone will win plenty of acclaim, but the story and images make Django Unchained a winner. Sure, you have to wade through typical Taratino violence and language, but that's part of the charm of his films. It keeps the feel of his movies gritty, he seems to like it that way and so do I. There are some hard to watch slavery abuse scenes, but in true Taratino fashion, he also adds in enough comic relief to keep you from shuttering too much.

I can't say I've loved everything Quentin Tarantino has done (From Dusk 'til Dawn), but when he gets it right (Inglorious Basterds), he really nails it. Django Unchained is an excellent ride that you hope never ends.

Look for it to be added to the 1001 list in the future.

Rating - 3

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Chandler - 1/14/13

Django Unchained is probably Tarantino's second best film ever (behind Inglorious Basterds). It was entertaining, and my only complaint is the length of the film. Although... in hindsight I'm not sure what he could cut out. There was some homage to Blazing Saddles... the end remind me of From Dusk 'til Dawn... and the KKK scene was probably the funniest I've watched in a loooooooooong time.

Christoph Waltz is also phenomenal. Give that man an Oscar.

Rating - 3

Shine - 1996

Chandler - 1/7/13

Shine is the based-on-real-life story of David Helfgott, an Australian concert pianist who went from child piano prodigy to adult schizoaffective prodigy. Seriously... this guy is awesome at schizoaffective disorder. That aside, the movie follows his life as a child up until his overbearing father's death. Along the way he shits in a tub and gets naked a lot. Because... music! It sets your ass free.

I'd give this movie more props if I didn't research how most of David's family vehemently disputes almost every depiction of his life. Allegedly, Shine is just a money-grab by his astrologer wife. Also, most music critics say David wasn't even that gifted at the piano. At least... not as gifted as the movie makes him out to be. Classical music snob fight!!

Rating - 2

A Fish Called Wanda - 1988

Chandler - 1/7/13

I'm not really sure what to make of A Fish Called Wanda. It's a quirky British comedy written by John Cleese of Monty Python fame. True to the Monty Python formula, AFCW is filled with over-the-top characters and situations after a diamond heist begins to fall apart. Kevin Kline steals the show, which is odd since he really hasn't done anything decent henceforth (unless you count Dave as "decent"). Basically, the movie is OK... but there are a handful of actual "laugh out loud" moments. Mostly involving the death of small animals, which is always comedic gold.

Rating - 2

This is 40 - 2012

Geoff - 1/4/13

This is 40 is "sort of a sequel" to Knocked Up (2007) and is another comedy crafted by Judd Apatow. Starring Judd's wife, kids, and Paul Rudd. It seems whenever Judd Apatow thinks "family", he thinks of his own, sans himself. This should create some interesting daddy issues for his daughters, but I digress.

Basically the This is 40 is about a couple turning 40 and dealing struggling businesses and mouthy kids. As typical with most of Apatow's films, there are funny, sad, and thought provoking moments as the "almost all Apatow" onscreen family sort out their issues. Apatow always seems to manage to get his character's dialogue to sound real without coming off cheesy of forced.

I actually think this is one of the better Apatow films. It has a unique take on an old story and even gives a couple of laugh out loud moments thanks to Charlyne Yi's quirky character.

Rating - 2

War Horse - 2011

Chandler - 1/3/13

War Horse in two words: "fucking terrible."

A local drunken farmer goes to a horse auction and is taken aback by the sight of a muscular thoroughbred. He wins him in a bidding war against his own landlord, and pays "30 guineas." Unfortunately, Drunkard needs a clydesdale who can actually do farm work. And his impulse buy has now put his farm in the red, and in danger of being reclaimed by the landlord.

"No problem!" exclaims Drunkard. "We'll just plow the ol' rocky field down the hill with THIS horse. And plant us some turnips to save the farm!"

Enter his son, Village Idiot, who develops an unhealthy relationship with the animal during a training montage. He successfully plows the field and plants the turnips, only for a rainstorm to ruin the crop in the next scene. So now the farm is fucked, again. Drunkard is forced to sell War Plow Horse to the military, who wants to use him in World War 1. An officer admittedly over-pays for the horse, at a cost of 30 guineas. The farm is now saved.

Wait, what? So Drunkard broke even on the horse but lost valuable farming time and the cost of turnip seeds... and then still manages to save the farm? He would have been better off staying home and drinking instead of going to the auction in the first place! How fiscally unstable is this farm if losing money on seed is considered a good year? And should Drunkard really be running things? The entire premise told me I was in for 2.5 hours of horse shit.

But it got worse, and I can't ignore the first "epic" scene of this movie. Plow Horse finds himself in a cavalry charge against a German encampment. While initially successful, the Germans retreat to the woods where they have a line of machine guns. Nevermind that they were camping in front of their own defense lines (sigh...), but the Germans were able to mow down hundreds of British soldiers without killing any horses! Spielberg shows at least 40 horses safely reaching the German line sans cavalryman.

GTFO!

A machine gun in WW1 sat on a tripod about two feet off the ground. It's impossible to shoot a rider without taking off the horses head. For someone who created the most realistic Normandy invasion in movie history (Saving Private Ryan), this is unacceptable. Not to mention that in a cavalry battle, you WANT to shoot the horses. They are a much bigger target and the fall makes the rider a sitting duck, if it doesn't kill him.

Eventually, we get to see a good depiction of a trench battle against the Germans, which ends in a mustard gas attack. It's engrossing and you feel for the characters as they stare down inevitable death. Coincidentally, this is also the only part of the film that doesn't have Plow Horse in it.

I'd like to also point out that thoroughbreds die all the time while racing. Yet Plow Horse is able to violently fall all over the place and run through barbed wire without breaking a leg. There must be something in those damn turnips.

There is NO reason this film should have been nominated for Best Picture.

Rating - 1
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Geoff - 1/9/13

War Horse is a long and eventful film that follows a horse named "Joey" through farming, war and back. But what makes this film excellent isn't the horse, it's the people. Joey's journey, and the war are merely a backdrop to all of the characters you get to meet along with way. This movie great because there are so many vignettes each with a new set of people and a new set of circumstances, yet they all have their lives touched by Joey.

There's a particularly great scene set in the middle of the war where the English and German soldiers, pause their battle to come together and rescue our "war horse". This epic keeps you tied in, waiting to see who you get to meet next and often leaves you wanting to follow a few characters further.

Rating - 3

Fatal Attraction - 1987

Chandler - 12/31/12

The only problem with Fatal Attraction... is Glenn Close isn't attractive. The characters in the movie try to sell you on it, but she looks like a young Mrs. Doubtfire. Thankfully, she's excellent at playing my ex-girlfriend a crazy bitch who will break into your home and spy on you through your bedroom window. Twenty-five years after the film was released, it's still unnerving and creepy. Jaws made people never want to swim again... but FA made guys never want to date again. Or cheat on their wives. Yeah... that too.

Rating - 3

Platoon - 1986

Chandler - 12/24/12

Remember when Charlie Sheen wasn't a mockery of himself? When he was actually on pace to be a good actor, following in his father's footsteps? Well that all came crashing down after he starred in Major League. But before then... there was Platoon.

Platoon has a pretty good cast, although most of the actors weren't famous yet: Sheen, Tom Berenger, Willem Dafoe, Kevin Dillon, Johnny Depp, Forest Whitaker... etc etc. It's pretty much your basic Vietnam movie with an emphasis on realism, and a nod to the My Lai Massacre. The film highlights the clusterfuck-ness of guerrilla warfare and the disconnect between officers and infantrymen during the war. Platoon is not nearly as epic as Full Metal Jacket or Apocalypse Now, but it's worth a watch if you like war movies.

Rating - 3

Citizen Kane - 1941

Chandler - 12/21/12

Citizen Kane is ranked #1 on AFI's best movies of all time list. It is not the best movie of all time.

I hated this movie. But it deserves to be on The List and everyone should probably watch it. Let's list a few reasons why "film snobs" rate this movie so high:

- CK introduced the world to "deep focus," which is when everything in a single shot is in focus, no matter the distance from the camera.
- It was one of the first films to use a lot of low angle shots, where you'd actually see a ceiling of a room.
- It's one of the first movies to use flashbacks and multiple narrators.
- Orson Welles uses the technique of fast-forwarding time through a montage. Totally blew people's minds in the 1940's.
- Countless special effects, make-up and soundtrack techniques were pioneered by CK.
- William Randolph Hearst, who the film is based on, was still alive during the release. This greatly pissed off Hearst and caused a lot of drama. This is actually pretty cool and there's some good documentaries I need to watch regarding the subject.

Alright, so the film is crazy important to every single movie you've ever seen since its creation. This is why you should see it. But the story is painfully slow. We're now desensitized to the groundbreaking aspects, and we don't have enough patience for a monotonous narrative. It's a shame, but Citizen Kane ironically gets a #1 rating on my scale.

Rating - 1

In the Loop - 2009

Chandler - 12/21/12

In the Loop is a British satire of events leading to the 2003 invasion of Iraq. A simple and somewhat bumbling politician in Great Britain accidentally makes comments alluding to war in the Middle East. These comments, fueled by the media, spiral out of control as the United States attempts to justify an inevitable invasion. Based on alleged true events, the film's premise is a bit weak at times. But the vulgar dialog is entertaining enough to keep you engaged. If you're a fan of political satire, this is a good movie that pokes fun at the overwhelmingly bureaucratic governments leading the free world.

Rating - 2

Premium Rush - 2012

Geoff - 12/20/12 

Premium Rush is about a bike messenger (Joseph Gordon Levitt) who has 90 minutes to make a delivery that is also wanted by a crooked cop with a gambling addiction. Now this isn't like all of the other bike messenger/gambler cop movies you've seen.. no, no. This movie has bike chases, bike accidents and... well you can imagine the entire plot. It's the kind of storyline you'd make up if you were trying to think up what a bike messenger movie would be. It gives you no surprises and no reason to care.

Premium Rush is super predictable and doesn't bring a whole lot to the table. Dania Ramirez is in it.. so I guess there's that. Otherwise, you could probably skip this flick. I can't say I was expecting a lot from the film and it delivered.

Rating - 1

Drive - 2011

 Chandler - 12/18/12

Ryan Gosling is a professional getaway driver who almost never talks. He falls in love with his married neighbor, who has a kid, and a husband in jail. Husband gets out of jail, and Gosling (his character doesn't have a name) inexplicably agrees to help get him out of debt.

Why does Hollywood think we should believe these ridiculous scenarios? Because "love" is that powerful? Especially love involving a married chick and her bastard child?

Whatever... it's a decent movie. But forgettable.

Rating - 2

District 9 - 2009

 Chandler - 12/18/12

Another alien invasion movie? Ugh... Seriously... After Independence Day, do we really need more of these?

Yes. Yes we do. Aliens are awesome. And District 9 is a completely different take on the genre. In fact, it might be the most realistic "invasion" movie I've ever seen.

Aliens are NOT going to invade Earth to harvest our resources or abduct our people. If they have the technology to travel hundreds of millions of miles across space, then our tiny planet is the absolute last thing on their mind. They already know we're here, and they don't give two shits.

Which brings us to District 9. These aliens basically end up here on accident. Most of the aliens on the ship are laborers. All the skilled ones who could repair it to go home are dead. They are literally stuck here on our planet, and now it's our problem to deal with. So what do we do with a large population of immigrants? Same thing we've done multiple times throughout history. Throw their alien ass into a segregated camp.

D9 is a social commentary movie that parallels Apartheid, the Holocaust and Japanese Internment camps. As a history buff, it was a very refreshing look on an old story. Definitely worth a watch.

Rating - 3

The Kid With A Bike - 2011

 Chandler - 12/18/12

Why the fuck did I just watch this movie? Oh... cause it's on The List.

The Kid With a Bike is French film about a kid who's trying to come to grips with his dad being a deadbeat. And what are the French good at? Surrendering. In this film, they totally just gave up on trying to make a compelling story.

From the very first scene, you'll spend 1.5 hours wanting to kick the kids ass. He's horrid, and the fact that some random lady decides to adopt him (totally out of the blue) is inconceivable.

They COULD have made this movie a 2 if the ending was slightly different. But I won't spoil it. Wait... yes I will. If the kid died at the end then I would have rated this higher.

Rating - 1

The Prestige - 2006

 Chandler - 12/17/12

Hey! A movie about feuding and dueling (literally) magicians!

Alright, so The Prestige is pretty entertaining. Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale do a great job and there are some really disturbing themes explored in the film. But it could have been left as a dark movie that parallels the fight between Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla, with the one-upping of actual magic tricks. Instead it only alludes to that rift and then springboards off a cameo by Tesla into a supernatural pool of death.

Most people are going to like this film and think it deserves a 3. But I guessed the ending well before the final twist was revealed. And I think the supernatural aspects ruin the credibility of the historical fiction in the movie.

I'm probably being too harsh with this one. But alas:

Rating - 2

Of Gods and Men - 2010

 Chandler - 12/17/12

So you got these Christian monks who live peacefully in a small Algerian town, which is mostly Muslim. They pray all the fucking time. Like it's their job. Because... well... it is their job. This is what monks do. They eat, sleep and breathe their faith in God.

But it makes for a horrible movie.

I do not have the patience of a monk. I need more than just their mundane repetitive rituals to be worthy of my time. Eventually there is some "action" involving Islamic fundamentalists. But that small amount of action at the end of the movie should have been the movie! Of Gods and Men is based on a true story, which isn't even enough to save this film. The epilogue before the credits should have been the story. Instead you just get words on a screen, and a longing for a do-over in your movie selection. Don't waste your time unless you're trying to pad your List stats (like I was).

Rating - 1

The Descendants - 2011

 Chandler - 12/17/12

The Descendants is a movie that highlights all the problems with "The List." But first, let me talk about the plot:

Matt King (George Clooney) is a rich descendant of some Hawaiian prince. Due to a death in the family, he's now in charge of deciding what to do with a large piece of ocean-front land on one of the Hawaiian islands. Also, his wife is in a coma due to a boating accident. And he has two messed-up spoiled daughters, who apparently were ruined by his wife's sluttiness and his workaholic ways. Life lessons ensue.

The film was decent. Better than I thought it would be. There were some laughs, a couple of sad moments... and then a whole lot of annoyances. Everything that Clooney does is the opposite of what I would personally do. His character has no balls and is a complete doormat to those around him. Maybe that makes him an endearing role model to his children? Or more likeable to the audience?

Anyway, back to the problem with The List. Every year there's a new version and every year they feel the need to add a bunch of movies released in the previous 365 days. Obviously this is so they can sell more books. But in order to do this, movies have to be taken OFF the list to make room for the new ones. Of the 29 movies added from 2007-2009... 14 were removed by the 2011 edititon. That's 48% (and climbing each year). If The List were truly accurate, those movies would have never been on there in the first place.

Oh well. The Descendants was decent... but it'll be removed from next year's publication. And that's the sign of a good, solid 2.

Rating - 2

Logorama - 2009

Geoff - 12/17/2012

Logorama is an animated cartoon comprised of almost all corporate logos; an entire universe of logos... not too far from our current reality. Logorama won an academy award for Best Animated Short and is really fun to watch. The story is simple and entertaining with cute, often foul mouthed characters delivering on some good laughs. But the real fun comes in trying to take in all of the logos and trademarks... The first time I saw it I found myself in awe at the sheer creativity and time involved with the clever uses of each logo. There are a ton of hidden gems in the film that I didn't even notice the first time around. As a graphic artist, I was very impressed and as a movie enthusiast I was equally satisfied. This movie won't change your life, but it will definitely entertain you for 16 minutes.

View it online HERE

Rating - 3

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Chandler - 12/23/2012

Awesome short film. One of the most clever I've ever seen. Watch it with the link above!!

Rating - 3

Total Recall - 1990

 

 Chandler - 12/17/12

Total Recall is fun. It was an original story (at the time), where Arnold Schwarzenegger's character wants to implant a new memory in his brain (or wipe out some old ones... or whatever). I'm not sure why it took me 22 years to see this movie, but it still holds up today because Arnold is timeless and the makeup/effects are still awesome. Sure, there are much better action and space movies that were created before Total Recall (Alien, Aliens, Die Hard)... but it's still a solid film. Worth watching if you're a fan of Arnold movies. Or Mars.

Rating - 2